If revenge is a primary driver, take a moment to think about whether that's a valid reason to keep your kids away from their father or mother.
However, if you have a difference of opinion on something like schooling or religion, you have another option. If a parent wants control or decision-making — especially over certain areas like education — that can still be obtained, even if the parents share joint custody. It just has to be in the 'fine print. Instead of focusing on what you can take away, spend you energy on making sure your parenting plan suits your children's best interests.
When you fight for sole custody, you will most likely need to go through a trial. While you might consider this a good idea, you should think twice. The parents know the child best. Costantini continues, "By fighting for custody it leaves the decision of custody to people who do not know the parents or the children.
They make their decision based upon a short term study of the broken family who are put under a microscope at the worst point in time of their lives. Essentially, child custody is decided by strangers when the parents, if instructed and counseled properly, are the appropriate people for deciding the future of their children.
Sometimes when you try to control the situation too much, you actually lose any control you previously had. Trial should be the last resort after failing to reach a mutual understanding with the other parent.
Sleepovers were impossible. I travelled for hours to see my father, away from my extra curricular activities while his life barely changed at all. I missed hours and hours of ballet lessons, outings with friends, church and so on. By the way, do they think their daughters are going to be proud of the fact their fathers ignored basic evolutionary science that children need their mother and that mothers are chemically wired to be the most empathetic and self sacrificing parent to get his own way?
I appreciate that he loves me and did what he thought was best but we both agree that it was the wrong way to handle the situation. You know what I would have loved? My dad coming to me! Custody exchanges are stressful for everyone, but you can reduce the number of exchanges by alternating weekends with your ex. It reduces the number of times you have to drop off and pick up your kids and makes it much easier for everyone involved.
It can also help quell common safety concerns that often surround custody exchanges. When Mom and Dad still feel tense toward one another, the child can feel it. Reducing the frequency of changes will eliminate that. It can be more challenging under a 2 2 3 arrangement, but you can still get around it by determining when and where the picking-up parent reconnects to the child.
For example, picking up the child from daycare after the other parent drops them off eliminates the need to see and interact with one another during the pickup. While we would consider fewer exchanges one of the pros of every other weekend custody, it can also breed resentment if one parent is bitter about their reduced time with the child. As a result, their bitterness can grow toward the other parent. This is especially true when the bitter parent refuses to seek help and places their pride before the well-being of the child.
You have to look ahead, though, and remember that the best thing you can do as a parent is to help your child feel stable and well-adjusted. Quality time over quantity time! In these cases, every other weekend visitation schedule can be preferable because it allows the parent to maximize their time.
For parents who are naturally better earners and have fewer minutes to spare, this can be a godsend. They have many smaller decisions to make every single day.
While you still have a right to parent as you see fit, micromanaging will set you both up for failure. To that last point, one of the cons of every other weekend custody is that it can excise you from the decision-making process. Living day-in and day-out with your child is the most natural way to be integrated in your child's world. This helps strengthen and maintain your child's bond to you.
Shared custody requires co-parenting. That means that both parents must be able to have rational and child-centered conversations about what is best for their child. If every conversation ends up in a screaming match, shared custody is not a good idea. If your ex cannot follow a simple line of conversation because of some type of personality disorder, ditto.
Shared custody requires compromise and getting comfortable with not always having things your way. Day-to-Day Matters. You will need to keep each other posted on your kid's schooling, health, social life, emotional issues, and other matters of primary importance.
Keeping Up. They will turn to the other parent for help, even if they spend considerable time in your house. That defeats that purpose.
More time with your child allows for more role modeling opportunities. Your child watches everything that you do. The more they are with you, the greater the opportunity for them see you solving problems, relating to other people, and managing your time. Time is not everything, though, and many parents are able to make a strong impression on their kids without a lot of time. This is under the umbrella of "quality versus quantity". He only saw his dad on Saturdays.
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